Paul was hoping to unwind after a long day, but his mind kept returning to a work party that was still a few months away.
‘Who will I talk to?’
‘What if I seem awkward?’
‘What if I say something off?’
Then came a second wave of worry: Why am I worrying about something that’s still a few months away?’
If the spiral of worries sounds familiar, you know how exhausting it can feel. The harder we try to quiet the thoughts, the louder it seems to get.
In moments like this, self-compassion can help create space to notice your feelings without judgement. You might have heard to advice to be your own best friend. Take a moment to think about how you currently talk to yourself?:
Many of us lean toward the critical end. But, consider how differently you might respond to someone else;s worry. It would likely be with support and calm. The key is learning to direct that same compassionate voice you offer others toward yourself.
Here are 3 practical ways to put it into practise:
1. Channel a trusted voice.
If the idea of being your own best friend feels hard to connect with, try imagining the voice of someone you trust — a parent, partner, friend, or someone whose words help you feel at ease.
If there’s been a worry on your mind, take a moment to imagine someone you trust responding. What might they say in the moment? What tone would they use? You don’t need to solve it or push it away; simply acknowledge the worry and let their voice guide how you respond.
Another approach is to flip the perspective: ask yourself how would you speak to someone going through the same worry?
2. Shift your attention to your wise mind.
Your wise mind is the middle ground between logic and emotion. It notices your feelings and also steps back to see the bigger picture with reason.
Imagine it as a calm, steady voice inside you, helping you see things more clearly even when anxiety feels overwhelming. It doesn’t dismiss your fear—it simply acknowledges it while guiding you toward what’s helpful in the moment. It could help to ask yourself: “What would I say if I weren’t acting from a place of fear?”
For example, Paul might think:
“I’m nervous about the party (emotion), but I’ve handled social situations before and can focus on enjoying myself and connecting with colleagues (logic).”
Here, Paul is recognising his feelings without judgment while also using practical steps to guide his response. Paul can’t predict how the party will go, but by focusing on the confident and calm way he wants to show up, he begins to ground himself in a positive intention. He acknowledges how he’s feeling and makes a personal choice to focus on how it might turn out for the better.
With practice, checking in with your wise mind helps this calm, balanced voice grow stronger than the fearful one. Over time, it becomes easier to respond to anxiety from this grounded perspective.
3. Trust yourself, despite doubts and fears.
Being your own best friend isn’t about pushing yourself to feel okay or pretending fear isn’t there. It’s more about speaking to yourself from a place of trust, even when doubts and worries show up.
One way to do this is by saying affirmations or grounding statements that feel belieavle, and with practise, overtime become natural and internalised.
I can feel the fear and still go through it.
I’ve handled many situations before and I know I can do it again.
I will get through this just like I get through other challenging moments.
Speaking from a place of confidence and trust can help you re-claim control over worries. Even if you don’t believe it and it feels unnatural at first, you’re teaching your mind to focus on what’s real and helpful, instead of the fears that try to hold you back. The more you practise it, the more natural and genuine it becomes. Over time, this way of thinking will come easily, even when you’re worried.
Content for Thought
Though it might feel impossible or out-of-reach during peak moments of stress, but that’s often when it could be most needed. And research often tells us that self-compassion is proven to help ease stress and take us to a point of thinking clearly and more in control.
If it’s not too overwhelming, try putting it into practise right now:
Take a moment to notice your self-talk. What kinds of thoughts do you get that come from a place of fear? The next time you get those thoughts, practise replacing the fearful voice with one that comes from a place of trust. What would you say to yourself? What might change in the way you view the worry? How would you feel?
