Most of the time, anxiety doesn’t come from what’s happening outside, but from the story we tell ourselves inside.
When we speak to ourselves with doubt, it adds to anxious feelings and creates more tension in the mind and body. But when we speak to ourselves with self-trust, we build confidence, and the mind and body feel more at ease, too.
In this post, we’ll explore three steps you can take to strengthen self-trust, so you respond to anxious thoughts with more ease.
When a single thought starts to spiral
Imagine leaving a party and suddenly thinking: ‘I wonder if I came across as awkward.’ On its own, it could be another passing thought. But sometimes, the mind takes a single thought and spirals:
What if my friends thought I was acting strange?
Will they want to hang out with me again?
Maybe I embarrassed myself.
Notice that the tension doesn’t come from the thought itself, but from the meaning we give to it.
Our interpretation of situations can spark doubts, and that can lead to feelings of anxiety. All too often, we slip into this spiral without realising that we’re in it. It’s natural to have fleeting doubts, but anxiety starts to build when doubt becomes constant.
The first step to breaking the pattern is to notice when you’re caught in it and become aware of the mind’s tendency to spiral.
Three Steps to Respond to Anxiety with Self-Trust
1. Notice anxious thoughts and create space from them.
It’s important to see anxious thoughts for what they are — thoughts, not reality. When you notice your mind returning to a certain thought, take a moment to ask yourself: Am I problem-solving or am I ruminating?
Problem-solving is constructive and helpful, moving you toward a solution. But ruminating pulls you into a spiral of doubts and questions. It often feels urgent, as if your mind is urging you to figure it out right now, even when nothing needs immediate attention. The body feels the weight of it, too: perhaps as a tight chest, knots in the stomach, or a racing heart.
If you find yourself ruminating, it can help to label the thought to create some space from it. You might tell yourself, ‘This is anxiety’ or ‘I notice my mind is ruminating.’ Research shows that acknowledging your thoughts in this way can help you observe them without getting caught up in them.
2. Practise shifting the story to one of self-trust.
When a thought pops up, it’s best to not push it away or fight it, as that often gives it more attention. Instead, try shifting your attention to the trust you have in yourself. Saying realistic affirmations is a proven way to build confidence over anxious thoughts. You might tell yourself:
I am capable of handling any thought that comes my way.
Thoughts don’t have the power to influence my emotional state; I am in control of how I respond to thoughts.
I can feel anxious and still take action.
For a thought like, ‘Did I seem awkward at the party?‘, you could redirect it with words that build calm in that specific situation. For example:
I trust myself and my interactions with others.
I enjoyed the conversation and spoke naturally.
I am calm, confident, and present in every interaction.
Even if these statements feel unfamiliar or hard to believe at first, gradually repeating them will train your mind to manage stressful situations with more calm. If doubt or worries return, that’s okay; By regularly choosing words of self-trust, even for a moment at a time we can change how we respond to situations that previously left us feeling anxious, reclaiming control over our thoughts and reinforcing calm and confidence.
Tip: Choose words that focus on how you want to feel rather than what you fear. For example, say ‘I trust myself and my interactions’ instead of ‘I hope I wasn’t awkward.’
3. Visualise a calm response.
The mind can’t always tell the difference between what’s real and what’s imagined. Anything we give our attention to — whether it is true or imagined — can be quickly accepted by the mind. Visualisation can help us retrain our responses to respond differently to anxiety.
The next time an anxious thought comes up, if it doesn’t feel too overwhelming, consciously picture yourself responding differently — calm, centred, and confident. The thought may be present, but you remain calm, letting it be without giving it much weight. Your body feels grounded and more at ease, too. You then return to what you were doing with a sense of control.
Doing this it isn’t about pretending to be fine, but about responding situations from a place self-trust rather than fear.
Content for Thought
The more you practise self-talk that supports you, the more naturally it will come to you and your mind will begin to feel and believe it, slowly shifting your relationship with anxiety over time.
The next time you get an anxious thought, practise saying words of trust. Notice how doing that feels in your body too — do you feel lighter and more in control as a result?
